There is a great sense of security when you know there will always be someone there to catch when you fall.  To know that no matter what the circumstances you find yourself in there will be someone to pull you out or at least help you pull yourself out.  My husband is that person for me.  I know he will drop everything if I need him, that is, if he is in town.  The fact of the matter is that when he is on a recruiting trip 2,000 miles away, there is not much he can do for me.  And when you are in a new town and don’t know a single soul and have no one to depend on but yourself it can be a very scary situation.  I tried to describe this feeling to my husband but I just don’t think he “gets it.”  My husband has always had me by his side.  I am a stay at home mom – the key word being home.  I am always home or within a 10 mile radius.  So, if my husband is sick – I am there to take care of him.  If my husband has car trouble – I am there to pick him up.  If four kids have five different activities I am there to help my husband get everyone to the proper place.  If one of the kids or dogs has a bad night and is up every 2 hours – I am there to take care of them.  My husband does not understand what a luxury it is to have that security blanket.  He doesn’t understand the desperation, fear, or exhaustion that can come with being the sole person responsible for every transaction that occurs in the home for days at a time.  Every want, every need, every fear, every commitment, and every question has to be met by me.  This is a very overwhelming yet possible task when all the stars are aligned and the days are running smoothly. But, add in a wrinkle or two and the desperation can swallow you up.  Many times when the kids were little and my husband was out of town and I was living on 3-4 hours of sleep I would pray for a miracle.  I would pray that the nanny gods would send someone to my door to get the kids up in the morning, pack their lunches, get them to school, and clean my house all while I took a nap. Unfortunately, there was no one to take away any of the burden when he was out of town.  There were times I had 103 degree fever or the stomach flu but I had no one there to help change the diapers or feed the kids so I would literally lie on the kitchen floor until the nausea passed and then flip the grilled cheese sandwich.  There were times I had to get the car serviced and walk home from the service station because no one was there to give me a ride.  There were times I had to get four kids to three practices at the same time and there was no one there to split the driving with so two of them were always late.  There were the times I had to catch the mouse in the basement or pick up the dead bird in our yard because no one else was around to do it.  Unless I moved my mother in with us, there were no quick fixes or easy answers to avoid this isolated, hopeless feeling that can occur at times in life.  The reality is that sometimes it sucks being married to a coach.

I kept the office visit requisition because it was probably the worst I ever felt – bronchitis, sinusitis, and 6 weeks pregnant. Derek was already in Las Vegas and I was alone with 2 young children

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