I am a true believer that women need girlfriends because we are complicated and we are multi-taskers and we are mothers and sometimes the men in our lives just don’t “get us”. Women need to be understood and listened to and men need to fix things and have sex so it is only natural that we desire some female companionship to fill the void that men really have no interest in filling. I was so happy to find a friend because now I had someone to whom to bitch about my husband. I had someone who understood the frustrations of having a husband. Husbands can be idiotic and it was nice to know mine wasn’t the only one. For instance, my husband works hard and most of his days are spent making decisions concerning 18 year old young men or schmoozing coaches and recruits. Work is his domain and he makes hundreds of decisions daily like – which kids should he recruit, what is the best offense, what is the best defense, which press should we use, which out of bounds play should we use, what classes does this student athlete need to take, where is this recruit’s transcript, when do we need to visit this recruit, when should we bring the recruit on campus, should we offer this kid a scholarship . . . it goes on and on. At times it feels like he has 10 extra children which is why the minute he walks through our front door he goes brain dead. He is no longer a participant in life but a spectator. He no longer has any children and I now have a fifth child.
There is no initiative or assistance on his part unless asked. If I don’t “suggest” or request any help from my husband he would walk through the door, eat the nice meal cooked by his wife, put away his clothes that were cleaned and folded by his wife, kiss his kids that have been cared for all day by his wife and then sit on the couch and watch ESPN until he went to bed. And if a wife “suggests” that a husband get off his ass and help out around the house she is considered a nag or control freak. But, if we want someone else to do something around the house besides us then we have to be controlling. We are little dictators barking orders. My husband will usually do anything I ask but why do I have to ask? Why do I have to ask you to change Shane’s smelly diaper when I know you smell the same thing I smell? Why do I have to ask you to take the dogs out? When I ask you to do things it is like you are doing me a huge favor. It is like you are a friend or a neighbor who is doing some good deed for the poor broad; not my husband or the father that is expected to do these things. One day I asked my husband if he cared that I am constantly telling him what to do because sometimes I feel like I am nagging. He said he didn’t mind me asking him to do things around the house. I wanted to say, “Sure, you don’t mind me asking you to do these things but did you ever think that I get tired of having to ask!” If I am up with a sick kid all night, why do you have to ask me if I want you to take the older kids to school? Why don’t you step up and say, “You get some rest. I will get the older kids up and get them to school.” Or if I had a rough day with the kids why don’t you say, “You had a hard day today don’t worry about cooking dinner I will bring something home from work.” Why not do something for me sometimes without me having to ask? What a wonderful concept that would be! Men don’t understand how easy they could have it if they just stepped up a few times a month. It is the biggest turn on he could give his wife yet he doesn’t seem to understand even when he has been told several times and there have been numerous books written on the subject.
I really do get tired of the constant nagging but two things would happen if woman didn’t nag 1) mom would do everything or 2) the kids would go a month without a bath and they would be up until they fell asleep in front of the television with dad. Maybe we do nag too much but when we try to give our husbands some leeway disaster often results. When my husband tries to help out without my “input” he usually screws it up and I end up cleaning up the mess. For example, he thought he would help me out by entertaining the kids while I got some cleaning done so he bought the kids two huge lollipops. I told myself that I would not step in and nag him. I would let him do his own thing. Well, imagine a 3 year old and a 1 year old running around the house with two big lollipops! There were sticky hand prints all over the walls and furniture and lollipop pieces stuck to the carpet and in the kids’ hair. Now, because I did not step in and nag him he just added 2 more hours to my cleaning. I end up paying the price. Or like the time I told myself that I was not going to remind my husband that it was trash day and I am the one that ends up running out of the house in my pajamas at 6:00 am chasing down the trash man because he forgot to put the cans out. That is why we have to control. If we left it up to our husbands it would just double our workload.
I really try to cut my husband some slack but he just keeps giving me material. I don’t even look for it. It just falls on my lap. There was the time when the water filter light on the refrigerator turned red indicating that that the water filter needed to be replaced so Derek pushed and held down the “water filter reset button” until the light went from red to green. Little did he know that he actually had to take the old water filter from the refrigerator and replace it with a new one before he hit the “water filter reset button”. Did he really think the manufacturer of the refrigerator put an indicator light on the door to indicate all that was needed was to press a button? Or, the other classic Derek moment was when I sent him to the store to pick up butter for my annual baking of the Christmas cookies. I told him I didn’t want margarine or vegetable spread. I told him I wanted real butter because I like to use the real thing at Christmas. He came back from the store with a big tub of “I Can’t Believe It Is Not Butter!”